Changed.

(I should be studying for my last two finals, but alas, I choose to blog.)

These pictures, what do they mean to you? Anything?
I took these two pictures on a trip to Scotland during college and while I was there, standing at this soul-silencing landmark, I had no understanding of its significance.


Now, I do.


I've been "in ministry" my entire life.There are a total of 11 people in my immediate family(s), and between us, nearly 20 higher education degrees in Christianity/religion/practical theology, not to mention 2 famous Christian singers. Think it's safe to say that I was pretty familiar with seminary before beginning my own journey, and thus not honestly expecting to change much. Pretty much a pro at this by now, right?


Wrong.
And never more thankful to be.


Over the last 16 weeks I have come to know, learn and understand more about the Trinity, what I believe about character of God, the beautiful mess of a Church, and the fallen/fabulous people she consists of.

16 weeks later, I understand the importance of those pictures, the events that surrounded the destruction of that cathedral and its deep impact on Christian history.

After nearly a lifetime of following Christ I can confidently (or maybe just more coherently) explain and identify my theological beliefs.

I use to hate theology. Thought it was annoying and divisive.

****************************************

This semester I have fallen absolutely and irrevocably in love with teaching aerobics classes. Turbokick, yoga, spin. My loves.

Teaching brought something to life in me and now I can't imagine my life without helping people discover and maintain healthy, active living.

In the past 16 weeks not only have I learned more about and been invited into a deeper relationship with the Trinity, I have experienced an awakening of my soul, body and spirit to who I truly am in Christ. I have begun to understand that the gifts and passions God builds into us are not to put on the back burner while we try to find a "real" profession that will financially sustain and be socially acceptable, but rather, are freeways to a life of true joy experienced in Christ, as unique members of his kingdom. And although following these passions can be scary, because let's be honest, when you love something you don't want to lose it, the life they bring outweighs the fear.

So, I'm currently in the process of creating (with my Dean's blessing) a completely new concentration on health and family wellness ministries (which I'll write much more about soon).
Man, who knew so much could change in 16 weeks?


So, this is what it's like to be home? I like it here :)

Stage 5.

Exactly one month ago today Ray and I stood paralyzed in shock and utter devastation as we unexpectedly and unwilling realized we were entering into the first truly tragic experience and season in our marriage.



1. Denial.


2. Anger.


3. Bargaining.


4. Depression.


5. Acceptance.


Kubler-Ross. What a genius.




I handed in my final papers to finish the first semester of seminary today. It is common for practicing Christians to enter into to seminary and lose the ability to easily identify the presence of the Holy Spirit in scripture and daily life, simply because we are constantly and critically discussing, reading, writing and forming our beliefs and understanding of the Trinity and of scripture.


God held me in my denial.




Grief is difficult to approach when you are the bystander, the friend, the community. It's true, most of the time people simply don't know what to do or say. As a majority, we are not well versed in counseling techniques (nor are we all supposed to be). And, with incredible hearts and an honest desire to do well, you end up hearing a lot about it being "apart of God's plan," "possibly too much exercising," or "that gluten-free vegetarian diet."


God was present in my anger.






Bargaining. It does not work. Though it is some times the only "rational" action to take.




God quietly listened as I begged and bargained.





There is a scene in the film Titanic (no, not that one) that came to mind as I found myself again in the presence of God, broken, weeping and without words. As freezing water is pounding in on Jack and Rose, they find themselves in a hall with no apparent way out as the water is rising faster than they can breathe. For a moment all they can do is simply stand frozen, staring disillusioned at the water that is crushing them. Depression.



God (in many forms) stood with me, holding my hand, as the threatening waters raged.





Acceptance. As the sun crept over this morning's horizon, God's new mercies lifted a weight off my soul and gave me a taste of joy. Joy that disappeared four weeks ago today.







While Ray and I have deeply mourned the death of our first child, we lifted our eyes hills, knowing where our help comes from. Hallelujah it comes from Yahweh. THE maker of heaven and earth. As we enter into the Advent season, we continue to lift our eyes to hills, in preparation and gratitude of the coming of another child; our salvation.

Great is His Faithfulness, O God, My Father

We lift up our eyes to the hills--

Where does our help come from?

Our help comes from the Lord,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let our foot slip--

he who watches over us will not slumber;

Indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over us--

the Lord is our shade at our right hand;

the sun will not harm us by day,

nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep us from all harm--

he will watch over our life;

the Lord will watch over our coming and going

both now

and forever more.

Saying No and Marriage

Saying no is not something I am particularly good at, especially when it comes to being involved in extra-curricular activities.

Although I think I've always been the over-involved type, I like to blame this habit on Baylor; the most over-active, extra-curricular-crazed University in the nation. Baylor taught me how to be busy and be good at it. I thrive on schedules planned down to the minute; bouncing from one activity to the next, deliriously tired and blissfully happy. I think this kind of life style is great, fun and formative . . . as a single college student.

In a family, a marriage, a relationship where your schedule and desires are not the only things to be considered, it is unhealthy and damaging.

I knew this would be a struggle for me when Ray and I married. Being back on campus this semester I have been reminded why. I LOVE leading, ministering, teaching. Just in the past few weeks I have been asked to serve on Truett's recruitment team, teach a yoga/positive image class for a dorm community on campus, lead a spiritual life youth ministry team and help the counseling center head-up their new champagne on relationship abuse awareness.

On Sunday mornings before church I have started watching a show called Marriage Today, with Jimmy and Karen Evans. Although we have some vastly different views on "god-given" roles in marriage, they give some incredible tools for Christian marriage. The Evans have experienced difficult problems in their relationship, nearly divorced and now minister to the Church by talking through the declining state of marriage and family in our nation and teaching Christians ways in which we can fortify our marriages against similar sins and destruction.

The discussion this morning focused on the way Christian couples and their families have fallen into the unhealthy habit of our society . . . being over-scheduled and over plugged-in to technology. They showed how the stress from a severely over-active life style leaves us emotionally drained and ultimately unavailable to be actively involved in relationships with one another. They reminded me this morning that God created a rhythm in our weeks and our days. Part of that rhythm invites, requires and even demands rest, restoration and sabbath.

The more I have become aware of our society's dismissal of sabbath, the more I have been determined to live out my marriage and raise my family with and in a different mindset. For me, this means I have to learn to slow down. I have to realize that I spend 10 hours a week on the road, I'm in graduate school full-time and I work part-time. If I want to continue to be healthy personally and in my relationship with my husband, I have to say no. Even if it is to things love, things that are good and life-giving. If I want to have a a healthy marriage and raise children in a mindset that differs from our society, I have to start now, today. I have to learn live in and receive the God ordained gift of sabbath.

Your Mercies are New Every Morning

I took my first Christian History test today. Everything from Jesus to 1204 . . . no big deal. Actually, I was thankful to find my hours of studying paid off or at least I think it did.

Seminary has been incredible, but I must admit that there have been few if any days I have left history and scriptures classes encouraged by humanity.

Ever read through the Old Testament? I'll be honest, I've never sat down and read books through the way they are meant to be read.

Holy cow. I.t. i.s. a.w.f.u.l.

Story after story God's people, people he loves and forgives over and over again, people he delivers and rescues when they whine and cry only to forget him mere verses later, fill the pages. Want to read about incest, horrific rape, brutal violence, adultery, and every other awful thing you can think of? Don't go rent a R-rated film, read the Old Testament. Humanity . . . we're not looking so good.

Christian history . . . not any better. Fights, torture, schism.

It has left me noticing myself in the stories and wanting to hide. At the same time, it has helped me realize that our universal church is not in a new "off and lost" place. Rather, we are in the same place we have always been; making choices that bring us away from the Trinity, choosing (like the Israelites) to worship other Gods (money, work, "success") and so quickly forgetting the one who came to restore us.

Although the track record of Christians is hardly impressive, I have been overwhelmed by the undeniable grace, patience, and unconditional love God has and continues to give to his lost, selfish, conditional children.

Praise you God, for your mercies ARE new every morning and I would surely not survive without them.

life-giving

I'm a big believer in intentionally seeking out things and people that give you life and fill you up.

Although seminary has been difficult and stretching, God has responded to my need to be filled by others in an overwhelming way.

Ray and I joined a life group of young married couples a few weeks ago. Most of the group has been together for several years, yet they warmly welcomed us and have made us feel like family. They have the incredible (healthy) ability to go from have having fun, to being completely vulnerable and honest.

The joy that characterizes our new-found community and the passionate commitment each couple has to one another fills me with life.


Praising The Provider today and grateful for His love.

"To say that God cannot limit himself seems not only contrary to divine revelation in which God is constantly interacting but also illogical. A God who is so great that he cannot in any way limit himself is not so great after all and turns out to be more like a timeless principle than a relational person."


Dr. Olson is seriously messing me up.

One year in pictures

Not exatly what I'm supposed to do during study time

I got up early to finish some reading, but decided I've give an update instead.

I'm about to begin my third week of seminary and finally feel like I'm on top of the wave of work instead of being sucked under it. Seriously friends, I did not know I was capable of reading this much information in a weeks time. Most days my head hurts from reading so much theology, history and scriptures. My professors continue encouraging the first semester students to stick with them; promising that "everything will be okay." Ray pre-warned me that one of the main purposes of the first semester is to ruin everything you have ever learned about Christianity and make you question it all.

He. wasn't. lying.

Thankfully, I'm really enjoying classes and the environment. Not the mention, I'm learning to reign in the automatic response of a mini panic-attack when people start arguing in class.
Ahh, growth.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

While teaching bearobics for Baylor (had 60 people at the first turbokick class!!), I'm also working in the student services office at Truett and some how landed the unofficial party planning position. So, to kick off the year Texas style, Truett hosted a Bar-B-Que and square dance a few weeks ago! The couples who came to teach us were precious. Pictures coming soon.


Marathon training you wonder? Yeah, me too. The first three weeks of training went so well and I was loving it! Sadly, during a P90X workout with Ray last week I popped something in my left knee out of place and then back into place. Needless to say I've injured myself. And since the doctor is wooo expensive (I really don't want someone telling me to stop working out . . . slightly too addicted to my job) and I teach several times a week, I figured I'd better cool the running and focus on saving my knee for turbokick, cycling and yoga.


I have tons of pictures to post and promise to do that in between paper writing this weekend! Also, my sweet blogging friend Whitney has created a DIY frenzy in the Miller house. Cleaners, laundry detergent, "no shamPOOing." Whoo. It's incredible people (and saves a ton of money). More to come, more to come.

Time to get back to my Evangelicals and Tradition

Happy Sunday (and One year Anniversary to me and Ray!)

Greet the Heat

Welcome to summer and the ungodly days of 100+ degree weather with no rain in sight! Yessssssss! To properly greet this inevitable oven we will be living in until Octoberish, Ray and I grilled out and watched The Sandlot!

June has proved to be suprisingly busy, but exciting nontheless! June 8th, I began teaching 5 Bearobics classes at Baylor. I have fallen deeply in love with teaching! So much so, I let the ladies of my church talk in me in to teaching 3 times a week in Mertens. Although my body hasn't been as excited about teaching 8 classes in 5 days, I'm positive it will catch up and stop hurting soon (or at least I hope).

Ray and I went with some of our best friends Josh and Autumn Lockett to our first Rangers game of the season! We had a blast and thankfully did not get struck by the massive amounts of lightening overhead!



June 14th our church celebrated it's 125th birthday. With Mertens being home to only 150 people, this is of course a huge accomplishment. We celebrated with two worship services, hundreds of friends and family, former ministers coming to lead us in worship and Word, and some Bar-b-Que! Ray and I are continually reminded of how lucky we are to have the opportunity to live along side such a loving community of people, who eagerly search for God's working in their lives.
Last night our good friend (and worship Pastor) John Lassitter was ordained. He and Ray planned such a beautiful service and celebration of God's call on John's life. In the short time we have been at Mertens, it has been an honor to watch John grow and develop into such confident and passionate pastor of worship. We love ya, John and are lucky to serve with you during such a formational time of all our ministries!

(John, in his truest element)

We are looking forward to the rest of the summer! My best friend gets married in a few weeks, Ray and I will be parents to our 2 month old niece Annie for several days (scary, I know), AND, before the summer is out Ray and I are packing up the car and heading to Colorado to climb our first mountain together!

Until next time!

I want to be Harry Potter

I say with no shame that I deeply love the Harry Potter series and would give almost anything to a cast members in the films!! Although I try to pretend that I'm not a total fanatic, I caved today and took a Harry Potter Patronus quiz on facebook!


According to the quiz, my Patronus is a wolf!


"You work best in a close support group and are fiercely loyal to those you love. You are unbeatable in a group and incredibly strong even alone due to your cunning at getting the job done. You are often the sort of person who has strong faith and compassion. You’re an excellent communicator and very intelligent."

What is your Patronus?!?!

Smorgasbord of Catch Up

Congratulations to my incredible husband for graduating from Truett Seminary yesterday! It was a great day of celebration! We had lunch at Truett with some of our best friends and Ray's professors, and the actual graduation ceremony was later that evening. I'm so proud of the many things Ray accomplished during his time at Truett. He has learned so much and I could not be prouder or more excited for him and the ministry God will do through him in the future. (I don't have a lot of great grad pics, so I'll post more when I get them from Friends) It was such a wonderful celebration with family and friends (not to mention some good Ninfas, thanks to wonder boy Ryan Arnold!)!







It was a perfect day!

Duke has been sick lately :( He lost 3 lbs. last week thanks to a nasty little virus. But, we've been pumping him full of drugs the vet gave us and he seems to be doing much better! We're just glad he didn't get eaten by what we found in garage last week:


Yup. The snake was 6 ft. long and about 2 inches around. Ray's from Beaumont, I'm from Dallas, we had no clue of what to do. Thankfully a church member did (Buddy killed it by swinging it in circles, beating it's head on the ground. yikes).

Last weekend Ray and I went to Dallas to celebrate with Lauren Doumany and Jeff Sutton in joining their lives together! The ceremony (at SMU) and reception (at the Petroleum Club) were absolutely beautiful, perfectly stylized for their personalities, and so much fun!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am so excited for the summer and ready for it to get here! Starting in June I'll be teaching 5 classes a week for Bearobics! Along with TurboKick, I'll be teaching a Step class and a Spinning class. Yah! So excited and cannot wait!

For a long time I've struggled with figuring out what I am going to do in the fall. I've had several opportunities, and several things fall through; all in all, nothing seemed fulfilling. Growing up as a minister's kid, my experiences in churches have been less than stellar. Though my mind and heart work and think like a minister, I've always been to afraid to willingly walk into church ministry. Why in the world would I go to a place I know might hurt me, again? Wasn't marrying a pastor good enough? I mean it gets me pretty close to being a minister without technically being one. I think we all know the answer to this one. Last year I was accepted to Truett and decided to being a masters of social work instead. So, when I walked in to Truett this week to talk with Mr. Grear Howard, I assumed he would tell me I needed to begin the process of applying all over again. Within 5 minutes of talking with Grear, he figured out how to get 70% of my tuition paid for, waved the $100 registration, and offered me job.

Yeah. Wow.

It's amazing how things fall into place when we decide to stop being afraid and faithless and surrender to the call God has on our life.

So I've registered for classes and officially begin in the fall. In all honesty, I'm not super excited yet, but I trust that will come. Nevertheless, it's so nice to feel at peace and know I'm being obedient to God's call and hold on my life.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That's all I got! Happy Graduation weekend!

A Few From Spring Break

Duke was not a huge fan of the car

Ahh the mountains!

The famous staircase made with no nails

Happy Birthday to me and ray!!

Long week :)