Stage 5.

Exactly one month ago today Ray and I stood paralyzed in shock and utter devastation as we unexpectedly and unwilling realized we were entering into the first truly tragic experience and season in our marriage.



1. Denial.


2. Anger.


3. Bargaining.


4. Depression.


5. Acceptance.


Kubler-Ross. What a genius.




I handed in my final papers to finish the first semester of seminary today. It is common for practicing Christians to enter into to seminary and lose the ability to easily identify the presence of the Holy Spirit in scripture and daily life, simply because we are constantly and critically discussing, reading, writing and forming our beliefs and understanding of the Trinity and of scripture.


God held me in my denial.




Grief is difficult to approach when you are the bystander, the friend, the community. It's true, most of the time people simply don't know what to do or say. As a majority, we are not well versed in counseling techniques (nor are we all supposed to be). And, with incredible hearts and an honest desire to do well, you end up hearing a lot about it being "apart of God's plan," "possibly too much exercising," or "that gluten-free vegetarian diet."


God was present in my anger.






Bargaining. It does not work. Though it is some times the only "rational" action to take.




God quietly listened as I begged and bargained.





There is a scene in the film Titanic (no, not that one) that came to mind as I found myself again in the presence of God, broken, weeping and without words. As freezing water is pounding in on Jack and Rose, they find themselves in a hall with no apparent way out as the water is rising faster than they can breathe. For a moment all they can do is simply stand frozen, staring disillusioned at the water that is crushing them. Depression.



God (in many forms) stood with me, holding my hand, as the threatening waters raged.





Acceptance. As the sun crept over this morning's horizon, God's new mercies lifted a weight off my soul and gave me a taste of joy. Joy that disappeared four weeks ago today.







While Ray and I have deeply mourned the death of our first child, we lifted our eyes hills, knowing where our help comes from. Hallelujah it comes from Yahweh. THE maker of heaven and earth. As we enter into the Advent season, we continue to lift our eyes to hills, in preparation and gratitude of the coming of another child; our salvation.