Saying No and Marriage

Saying no is not something I am particularly good at, especially when it comes to being involved in extra-curricular activities.

Although I think I've always been the over-involved type, I like to blame this habit on Baylor; the most over-active, extra-curricular-crazed University in the nation. Baylor taught me how to be busy and be good at it. I thrive on schedules planned down to the minute; bouncing from one activity to the next, deliriously tired and blissfully happy. I think this kind of life style is great, fun and formative . . . as a single college student.

In a family, a marriage, a relationship where your schedule and desires are not the only things to be considered, it is unhealthy and damaging.

I knew this would be a struggle for me when Ray and I married. Being back on campus this semester I have been reminded why. I LOVE leading, ministering, teaching. Just in the past few weeks I have been asked to serve on Truett's recruitment team, teach a yoga/positive image class for a dorm community on campus, lead a spiritual life youth ministry team and help the counseling center head-up their new champagne on relationship abuse awareness.

On Sunday mornings before church I have started watching a show called Marriage Today, with Jimmy and Karen Evans. Although we have some vastly different views on "god-given" roles in marriage, they give some incredible tools for Christian marriage. The Evans have experienced difficult problems in their relationship, nearly divorced and now minister to the Church by talking through the declining state of marriage and family in our nation and teaching Christians ways in which we can fortify our marriages against similar sins and destruction.

The discussion this morning focused on the way Christian couples and their families have fallen into the unhealthy habit of our society . . . being over-scheduled and over plugged-in to technology. They showed how the stress from a severely over-active life style leaves us emotionally drained and ultimately unavailable to be actively involved in relationships with one another. They reminded me this morning that God created a rhythm in our weeks and our days. Part of that rhythm invites, requires and even demands rest, restoration and sabbath.

The more I have become aware of our society's dismissal of sabbath, the more I have been determined to live out my marriage and raise my family with and in a different mindset. For me, this means I have to learn to slow down. I have to realize that I spend 10 hours a week on the road, I'm in graduate school full-time and I work part-time. If I want to continue to be healthy personally and in my relationship with my husband, I have to say no. Even if it is to things love, things that are good and life-giving. If I want to have a a healthy marriage and raise children in a mindset that differs from our society, I have to start now, today. I have to learn live in and receive the God ordained gift of sabbath.