No traffic (minus the tractors), learning to garden, knowing everyone, the quiet and still nights. I truly love this place.
But last week I was reminded of the one thing I deeply detest.
Passive-aggressive-gossip.
In our small town of 150 where everyone is related in some shape-form-or-fashion, the deeply ingrained mode of handling issues with one another is by talking badly about an issue/person to someone else. This person then goes on to tell someone else, and someone else, and someone else (you get the picture) until it gets to the person who was being badly spoken about to begin with. Then one of two things happens, 1. the person being spoken about gets angry (and rightfully so, they have now been gossiped about throughout the entire town) and (not rightfully so) passive-aggressively responds with an angry/bitter silence OR 2. they respond by talking badly about the person who was talking badly about them, thus causing the vicious cycle of passive-aggressive dysfunction to continue.
I am the wife of a pastor. Did you know that?
The wife of a pastor, who was a child of a minister, who grew up in some seriously dysfunctional churches. I've been in ministry almost all my life, which sadly means I've watched people tear each other down and deeply wound each each other with their words for well over two decades. Words, that many times eventually made their way around to the ministers and their family; my family.
The author of James describes the tongue as a "tiny spark that can set a great forest on fire," saying that "it is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body," that surely "it is set on fire by hell itself." At the climax of this passage he says that the tongue is "restless and evil, full of deadly poison."
I wish I could say I weathered the unforgiving words against my family with grace and mercy, but that's not what happened. I instead wielded the weapon of my tongue and became a fighter. I garnered the skill of wounding with words. My tongue became my best weapon; a weapon of mass destruction, a weapon of defense. This fighter mentality was something I could actually get away with as a child.
But I am no longer a child.
I am no longer the child of a minister.
I am woman.
I am the partner of a minister.
It's no surprise that the people who make up the church haven't changed; we are all still people after all. So it should come as no surprise that people talk badly about my husband. It should come as no surprise that they do not come to him with their frustrations and concerns, but passive-aggressively wade them through the channels of town gossip. So, reader, should it be any surprise that my automatic response to hurtful words against someone I passionately love is make mine hurt more?
But I am no longer a child.
I am no longer the child of a minister.
I am a woman.
I am the partner of a minister.
I have often wondered why God brought us to this small town. A place in which Ray and I many times feel so out of place. But last week I was reminded that one of the many reasons we are here is so that I may be confronted in a very exposed way of the thing that I actually deeply detest.
My sin. My weapon of choice.
"For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way." James 3:2
5 comments:
great reminder Sarah! thanks for writing!
Powerful words.
And so sorry you are being wounded by others. May you bring glory to God in the way you handle this!
Girl, I am so sorry. I'm reminded of a certain TV evangelist (read, seedy underbelly type fellow) who talked about a Holy Ghost Machine Gun. I think that would be my Weapon of Choice. In all seriousness though, I really think Christians are the worst. At least in my experience. Is it because we expect more out of them? Let down our gaurd in places we should feel safe? Does piety beget secretive hateful acts? And why are those in minstry even more dumped upon than others? Hope you settle in with a cool glass of wine and enjoy some prarie breezes. Hugs to you and Ray from OK. Come see us and we'll love on you in person.
WOW! Fantastic blog....
"When I was a child, I thought like a child and reasoned like a child, but when I became an adult, I did away with childish things."
I have a heavy heart for you, Ray and the town. I understand exactly what you mean by passive aggressive and you're so right- it's the worst! You have very maturely turned that mirror of reflection on yourself (and in doing so described me as well). I am learning so much from you and your family's ability to deal with conflict. I hope I remember this post when Ryan and I are in a similar situation as I am also protective. Lord have mercy on all of us! Can't wait to see you friend, I hope you get some much needed relaxation!
Post a Comment