Changed.

(I should be studying for my last two finals, but alas, I choose to blog.)

These pictures, what do they mean to you? Anything?
I took these two pictures on a trip to Scotland during college and while I was there, standing at this soul-silencing landmark, I had no understanding of its significance.


Now, I do.


I've been "in ministry" my entire life.There are a total of 11 people in my immediate family(s), and between us, nearly 20 higher education degrees in Christianity/religion/practical theology, not to mention 2 famous Christian singers. Think it's safe to say that I was pretty familiar with seminary before beginning my own journey, and thus not honestly expecting to change much. Pretty much a pro at this by now, right?


Wrong.
And never more thankful to be.


Over the last 16 weeks I have come to know, learn and understand more about the Trinity, what I believe about character of God, the beautiful mess of a Church, and the fallen/fabulous people she consists of.

16 weeks later, I understand the importance of those pictures, the events that surrounded the destruction of that cathedral and its deep impact on Christian history.

After nearly a lifetime of following Christ I can confidently (or maybe just more coherently) explain and identify my theological beliefs.

I use to hate theology. Thought it was annoying and divisive.

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This semester I have fallen absolutely and irrevocably in love with teaching aerobics classes. Turbokick, yoga, spin. My loves.

Teaching brought something to life in me and now I can't imagine my life without helping people discover and maintain healthy, active living.

In the past 16 weeks not only have I learned more about and been invited into a deeper relationship with the Trinity, I have experienced an awakening of my soul, body and spirit to who I truly am in Christ. I have begun to understand that the gifts and passions God builds into us are not to put on the back burner while we try to find a "real" profession that will financially sustain and be socially acceptable, but rather, are freeways to a life of true joy experienced in Christ, as unique members of his kingdom. And although following these passions can be scary, because let's be honest, when you love something you don't want to lose it, the life they bring outweighs the fear.

So, I'm currently in the process of creating (with my Dean's blessing) a completely new concentration on health and family wellness ministries (which I'll write much more about soon).
Man, who knew so much could change in 16 weeks?


So, this is what it's like to be home? I like it here :)

Stage 5.

Exactly one month ago today Ray and I stood paralyzed in shock and utter devastation as we unexpectedly and unwilling realized we were entering into the first truly tragic experience and season in our marriage.



1. Denial.


2. Anger.


3. Bargaining.


4. Depression.


5. Acceptance.


Kubler-Ross. What a genius.




I handed in my final papers to finish the first semester of seminary today. It is common for practicing Christians to enter into to seminary and lose the ability to easily identify the presence of the Holy Spirit in scripture and daily life, simply because we are constantly and critically discussing, reading, writing and forming our beliefs and understanding of the Trinity and of scripture.


God held me in my denial.




Grief is difficult to approach when you are the bystander, the friend, the community. It's true, most of the time people simply don't know what to do or say. As a majority, we are not well versed in counseling techniques (nor are we all supposed to be). And, with incredible hearts and an honest desire to do well, you end up hearing a lot about it being "apart of God's plan," "possibly too much exercising," or "that gluten-free vegetarian diet."


God was present in my anger.






Bargaining. It does not work. Though it is some times the only "rational" action to take.




God quietly listened as I begged and bargained.





There is a scene in the film Titanic (no, not that one) that came to mind as I found myself again in the presence of God, broken, weeping and without words. As freezing water is pounding in on Jack and Rose, they find themselves in a hall with no apparent way out as the water is rising faster than they can breathe. For a moment all they can do is simply stand frozen, staring disillusioned at the water that is crushing them. Depression.



God (in many forms) stood with me, holding my hand, as the threatening waters raged.





Acceptance. As the sun crept over this morning's horizon, God's new mercies lifted a weight off my soul and gave me a taste of joy. Joy that disappeared four weeks ago today.







While Ray and I have deeply mourned the death of our first child, we lifted our eyes hills, knowing where our help comes from. Hallelujah it comes from Yahweh. THE maker of heaven and earth. As we enter into the Advent season, we continue to lift our eyes to hills, in preparation and gratitude of the coming of another child; our salvation.