Great Grief - it is so much more than an emotion.
I've found that many times it feels like a physical battle.
Me vs. pain.
Me vs. sorrow.
Me vs. the darkness of death.
It ebbs and flows - this great grief. At times a nearly unnoticeable hum of discomfort; other times a weight so engulfing I am certain it will crush me to my very core.
As the week of Thanksgiving and the season of Advent nears, I have felt the weight of sorrow increasing. Increasing weight adorning an unwanted necklace that continues to pull me into the depths of sorrow.
I like the way Elizabeth Gilbert describes great grief:
“Deep grief sometimes is almost like a specific location, a coordinate
on a map of time. When you are standing in that forest of sorrow, you
cannot imagine that you could ever find your way to a better place.”
Though this forest of sorrow I currently inhabit is thick and full of trees, beams of hope and thanksgiving still shine through the foliage.
There is so much to be thankful for.
-My life and health
-My incredible partner and best friend
(We've survived a lot.)
-The people who have been brave enough to stand in the forest of sorrow with me
-My miracle of a daughter
-Those who continue to pray and give encouragement
-My local body of Christ
-Ministries like Hope Mommies and Hannah's Hope where our story can be shared and strength can be found with people walking the same road
-The many books that help educate us on what this road may hold
-The pictures we have recently received from Maggie and Ellen's first and last day on this earth
-The moments my daughters were alive and in my arms
There is so much to be hopeful for.
The season of Advent is a time wrapped in beauty and anticipation.
A time to prepare and wait in great expectation - for Emmanuel.
Yes, Emmanuel came, long ago to a teenager in a barn.
He came - God with us.
God with us in the light and in the dark.
God with us in the joy and in the sorrow.
God with us. Always. In all things.
God with us - to bring us the Good News.
The Good News that the God who came still comes.
The God who spoke still speaks.
There have been many Advent seasons in which my heart has not been prepared and I have not waited in expectation for the arrival of the One who still comes.
I imagine that will never be the case again.
This season brings hope.
And I wait this year expecting to receive hope.
Hope that I will never be alone.
Hope that this sorrow that seems so sharp now, will not always.
Hope that one day this baby redeemer - this Emmanuel will come make all things right.
Hope that God is truly with us.
I pray you also wait in great expectation this Advent season.
Wait with hope, for hope.
The one who came is coming.
He is Emmanuel.
God with us.
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